I have been in your shoes and I work with children dealing with these issues every day.  I am so sorry.  Words likely cannot express the grief that you feel.  Please seek out professional help, for both yourself and your children.  If you believe it can be saved, seek professional help there as well. 

Don't let this ruin your success.  You need to take care of yourself and if you are working your plan for yourself, that is something you can do for you, every day.

First of all I am going to say this, Do not let anyone tell you what YOU should do. No one knows the right decision for you except you.

I have been there with my first husband, in ironically almost the same spot. A woman older than me, not even pretty. and it almost destroyed me. Still to this day after much therapy  and love from my new husband I still think about it and cry.

I am a believer that everything happens for a reason. You might not know the reason right away, but it will come eventually , and until then use your heart and your head to tell you what to do. Be rational, don't make in decisions in haste, take your time. I promise if you do that and ignore all the "unwanted" advice, you will make a decision you are comfortable with.

As far as him "cheating" on you think about why it happened. I can almost guarantee it had NOTHING to do with you. It was all about his own inadequacies, something to make him feel better about himself. Men do that whether they are cheaters, beaters, or screamers, they do it to feel better about themselves. Don't forget that.

I do wish you the best of luck and know that you will be ok.

Constance

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Alicia,

I know how you feel. Just like so many others I too have been there.

I stayed for a while then it happened again and again...so I had to move on.

My only advice is take time to make your decision. We can only make good decision when we are in a healthy state of mind. Know that you are not to blame, if there were issues he needed to talk to you first.

Time can be your best friend or your worst enemy. What I mean by this is do not use the time to ripe you apart. Do not look for things you have done wrong for him to go astray. Look at your strengths. You have them! Use them to let yourself heal. I agree write down your feelings even if you rip them up later just get your feelings out.

Time could help heal you if you let it, as well as hurt you if you let it.

I spent a lot of time thinking about what I did wrong and it just ate me up inside. I had to go get help to deal with it.

Please know there are place you can go to get help dealing with this.

I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling.

Blessing to you and your daughters

Heather

(((((((((Alicia))))))))))))  My prayers are with you.  Take care of you.

Becky/Ohio

Treafarm:

I found out this weekend that my husband of 18 years has cheated on me.

I have lost 15 pounds..

She is 10 years older and just as big as me. We have 5 children, 4 of them teenage girls whom now hate their Father.

He says he's sorry..I found her MySpace page. Her song is "our Song". He played "our" song for her on his guitar in a hotel room.

I am devastated. I love him so much. I have never know such deep grief. Alicia

Dear Alicia,

I am very sorry.

What is it about 18 years?? My (former) husband of 18 years cheated on me too,

That was about 12 years ago. Those two are married, and I am happily re-married.

When you have children at home it is harder. My kids were out on their own. They too were angry with their Father, but after a while they have forgiven him, just as I have. Remember...forgiving someone does not condone what they did.

You cannot be expected to get over this right away. I went to counselling, but what helped me the most was asking Jesus into my heart. Everything changed dramatically when that happened.

I wish you peace and happiness.Keep up the weight loss...for yourself

G.L.Y.A.S.D.I.

Debbie

Alicia, I'm so sorry you and your children are going through this. I've also been cheated on and I was devastated too. I took him back and he just did it again. I blamed myself for not being good enough and it took me a long time to realize that it was not my failure. I'm an emotional eater and lots of ice cream and red wine later, here I am. 

I agree with the other posters and encourage you to seek out someone to speak to about this. Do what is best for YOU and your children during this difficult time. *HUGS* ~ Linda

 I am sooo Sorry, I found out my first husband cheated on me with a younger skiny @#$%^,  we both worked in the mall at the time for some extra cash, 2 months after we had our son.  A co worker caught them kissing outside on a break.  Lets just say I lost my job, was kicked out of the mall for a couple years, and got real SKINNY.  I used all my anger on working out, and finding who I was inside.  YES I took him back and he did it again.  I filed for divorce, and re married.  Get a hobbie, find all your old friends and stay away from him for a while.  Find yourself and then decide if you still want him back.     BY the way with my 2nd kid I re gained it all, but you could use this as a tool to focus on yourself.  I wish I knew who your homewrecker was,  mine tried pressin charges on me  he he 

I am so sorry you and your children are having to go through this. I agree w/ the other ladies that looks have nothing to do w/ anything. People make choices that hurt other people, knowing it'll hurt if they're found out, but hoping they won't be. It sucks that you have to go through this pain and heartache. Reach out to someone and get some help and perspective on this. I hope that whatever decision you make brings you peace.  

Hi,

I'm sorry for your pain and just wanted you to know of a place you can get fantastic, free support - www.marriagebuilders.com.

The best of luck and healing to you.

Roberta

Alicia, I am sorry for what you have been forced to deal with. My husband did it too.... Like yours, mine chose the ugliest woman in town, who was 10 years older than me and the town (you know what) ..go figure.  I didn't even see it coming... Everyone was shocked when it happened to us, we had been married 25 years.  Our whole town found out and rallied behind me for support.  Our kids never found out the whole truth.. I wanted them to love their dad and honor him, regardless of his stupidity.  Now, two years later, I am glad that they weren't hurt by their dad's lack of judgement.  I think his was the classic example of "middle aged crisis". 

 About 2 weeks after I threw his cheatin' A$$ out of our home, (man that was empowering!!)  he realized what a stupid decision he had made. I held the higher ground the whole time (not getting his kids in the middle of it, not torching her house, not getting HER kids involved, not getting her fired, not getting him fired or kicked out of the church, not using his kids as ammuniton or to inflict pain on him by not letting him see them, etc etc) He realized that I wasn't the horrible shrew SHE had made me out to be, that I was actually a pretty good gal.  He tucked his tail between his legs and came a'crawlin back.  I made him stay out for about 6 months while we went to counseling. It saved our family.... I forgave him but will never forget the feeling of having my guts ripped out.  I never knew there was such a pain. He has turned into a completely different man.  He still has his faults, as do I, but I can honestly say that his cheating made our marriage 100% better.

Good luck to you girl.  Hang in there.  You hold all the cards now.  Let your faith, friends and family carry you through this.  He will regret what he has done for the rest of his life.  Don't dole out any more pain on him OR her..... they will get theirs... After the homewrecker lost her grip on my hubby, she has gone on to break up several more marriages....come to find out, mine wasn't the first either!!!  The whole town hates her, and she is not welcome anywhere she goes...she dreads the day she sees me in the grocery store, although I wouldn't do anything to her, she's scared to death of me...Ha!... My husband can only shake his head and say "what was I thinking?".  Be the better woman here and everything will work out.  He will realize soon enough what a mistake he has made.  Keep being a good woman and he will come crawling back to you, and at that point you can decide, when you are stronger, if you want him back or kick him to the curb...either way it will be a decision made out of love and respect for yourself and not anger at him.   Remember "The Best Revenge is Living Well". 

I am so sorry.  I am not married but I've had boyfriends to do the same to me.  I will pray for you.