i started alli back in oct of 2007, and i have been doing very well i started out at 257 and i'm now 236 this is good for me i was stuck at 260 of 3 years. when i started i ask my friend to go on this plan with me she opt out stating all the bad things she had heard (didnt reserch the facts i might add) i have notice a loss and so have other ppl but she and my husband are the only one that say i still look the same to them i have had to buy all new scrubs for work because mines are getting too loose . i'm proud of myself but my husband makes it hard and if he see me with something he will say things like you know if you eat that we will be in for a grease slide (i have never had Te to the point where i have soiled clothing ) he is just going by wht he has heard also .

now sunday was a little to much for me to deal with this came from my friend (which by the way has put on 10 pounds since i started my alli) went to her house for dinner and she assured me the dishes i would be eating were cook in a low fat manner , and i ate the right portions and did ask her twice how things were cooked. well when it came time for desert she offered me sugarfree fat free icecream (even showed me the box) she gave me a serving and i found it to be very good(it should have been it was regular icecream) and she offered more but i declined . well omg when i got up monday moring i was a total wreck with TE and i thought this was down right mean and i called her to let her know the friend ship was over if she did this for sabotage and meaness . she said she thought i'd find it funny ... how can people play with other lives. i dont know how to get rid of these TE, it has slowed down but i had to stay home from work yesterday and today . the good new in this sad story is after all the going and going i'm weak but i'm down 3 pounds dont know if this is good or bad or if i should be taking a extra vitamin or some kind of supplment till i'm back on track

june

June, Your story made me want to cry. I'm so sorry your "friend" wasn't there for you. Some people don't see the growth in others, and only see the problems that they aren't working on themselves. Subtle sabotage is common, but you are right, that was downright mean! One day maybe your friend will want to change, and apologize, and maybe your friendship will be mended.```````````````` I'm sure part of all those bathroom trips have been caused by the sudden shock of fat and sugar, and not only TE's. From what I've read there is nothing to stop the TE's.Hope you feel better soon, and sorry you had to miss work.````````````When your husband says something that isn't supportive, can you say something like,"Honey, I love you and I know you love me too. I'm working hard to get healthy, and need you in my corner. We're partners and I want to be healthy so we can have a better life together." ``````````We all need our home to be a safe place. ```````````````````By the way, are you a nurse? I am, and have been dealing with all those treats at work- gifts from family members and snacks brought in by others. Congrats on your weight loss and commitment to a new lifestyle. Keep up the good work. :o)

June:

Be strong, because obviously your husband and so-called friend are weak.  Continue to do well and the only advice I want to give to you is to take the pill after you eat (you have an hour to do so), if you are not making the dinner you have no idea how it is prepared.  I find that way if there is a problem or I can't count everything, I will skip the pill.  This practice has helped me to avoid TEs (which are not good).  If you miss taking the pill for one dinner or lunch--it's not a problem, I just wouldn't suggest doing it often.

Personally, I haven't told many people what I'm doing because it's personal to me.  I just tell people "If I can't count the calories, it doesn't go in my body", for some reason most people understand that.  If I say "I'm on Alli....." then I get all sorts of unsolicited reactions.

Just remember, the more you lose the healthier you will be and your self esteem will be--if I was your "so-called friend" I would watch out!!!!

Janet

June,

I read your post and I am not sure if it made me sad or mad. I do however understand, I am finding that after always being the "fat girl" in my group of friends they are not as supportive as I thought they would be, I keep getting the "why are you trying to change so much, you're great the way you are" or the "one night out without thinking so much won't hurt you" I am sure my friends are trying to be supportive in the way that they are saying they have accepted me so I should too, but the thing they don't understand is that I can't accept me the way I am cause I feel like I am living in someone else's body.  I find people feel threatened by the idea that the roles they play may be changed and I think alot of my friends are hoping it will not work for me for that reason. I hope you friend can realize what she did and how horribly mean and humiliating it was to do what she has done to you. And maybe once she sees how amazing you feel in your new body and lifestyle, maybe she will come to you for advice and support. And as for you husband it is hard to see a difference in someone when you see them everyday, subtle or gradual changes are hard to see right away, he will see it in time and as long as you see it, keep going and be proud!

 

Hi June,

I am so very sorry that someone that you trusted did this to you. I can give you 100 reasons why she would have acted this way, but none of it matters. You can't change someone else so trying to figure out why they did something isn't going to help you. What matters is how you feel and how you respond to what others do. You need to feel comfortable with your decisions and the choice that you have made to take care of yourself.

It's best not to discuss the changes that you are making with people who are not going to be supportive about them. There are things in your life that family and friends will not be able to understand or relate to. That is why boards like this are invaluable. Come here to discuss issues related to your eating and weight loss. I think that you are doing an excellent job and that you have a lot to be proud of.

Congratulations on your wonderful success and the decision to stand up for yourself,

Betty Kovacs, MS, RD

June,

 I cannot beleive someone would be that cruel.  I am so sorry you had to go through that. I have only told a couple of people that I am on alli. Primarily I don't want a lot of questions and comments. Stay strong, and hem that husband up!!

June,

I am so sorry to hear what your so called friend did. I think it was very hurtful and not at all funny. I do not have any tips for you because you can not control other people and their actions. You can on the other hand realize what you are doing for yourself is a wonderful thing that you will truly benefit from. Keep your head up high and just remember who you are doing it for. I am so sorry your husband is not more supportive, it would be easier if he was. (Maybe show him this blog and if he reads what other peoples thoughts are maybe he will understand a little bit better and realize he could benefit from this in the long run as well) The happier you are the happier he will be! Sometimes men just need it in writing for it to sink in. (Sorry to any guys out there that might be reading this - but that is my experience and I have four in my immediate family). Good Luck to you Jane! You can do this ; we are all right here with you!

C

Hi June:

It sounds to me as if this 'friend' of yours is jealous because you have a plan and you're trying to stick to it.  You are doing something that she has not yet found the strength or the resolve to do.  If your clothes are getting looser, you know darn well you are accomplishing someting.  Whether anyone else acknowledges this is not important.  What your friend did to you when she invited you to dinner was appalling, mean, and spiteful.  And she considers this 'funny?'  Honey, you might just need to reconsider whether she is actually a friend or not.  I have gone through the dreaded TEs myself, and nothing we can eat is worth it!  By now yours should be subsiding.

Don't let these sabotagers get the best of you.  The best way to deal with a sabotager is to ignore their disparaging remarks.  Sometimes you just have to ignore them totally, as in avoiding them as much as possible.  Of course, you can't ignore your husband, but you can ignore his negative remarks.  Whenever anyone tells you that they can see no difference in your appearance, just think of how loose your clothes are now, and smile to yourself.  Once you let them know that you are commited to the program and nothing they say matters they will back off.  Your husband might be afraid that other men will notice you if you slim down and become more attractive.  It is a fact that most women, once they lose weight, begin to take better care of themselves in other ways too.  Or he may simply be one of those guys who just don't notice the little changes.  I wouldn't bother trying to guess why certain people are less supportive than you'd like them to be; or why others like your 'friend' deliberately sabotage your efforts.  All that matters is that you ignore them and stick to the program.  You are evidently making progress.  Keep up the good work.  You are not alone.  We are all rooting for you.

Liz

thanks to all of you for words and encoragements,it mean so much to me ... i'm staying focused on my health and me right now and i did evaulate the "friendship" and found nothing there  maybe this was a wakeup call .fully recovered from the Te and i'm back on track(big smile ) had a lil pow wow with the hubby and gave him two option's  support me or dont , i'm getting health with or without... then i whipped out all the copies of everyone replys and told him i knew of a place that give the help and kindness i'm worthy of . so so far it's been kinda quite around here and yanno i can live with that at least it not negitave comments

 

june

Way to go June! Put him in his place. He'll come around but don't spend your time worrying about him - you just take care of yourself.

C

I AM SORRY!  Sounds like jealousy.  What a mean-spirited thing to do.  Distance yourself from that person, ASAP.  What a HORRIBLE person!!

Hi June,

You know what they say about "friends like that". I think its aweful what she did. Im glad you called off the friendship if she would do that to you then she is no friend. Im sure she is just jealous of you and your weight loss. It takes a real insecure person to do something like that. Your post made me mad but at the same time happy that you got a person like that out of your life. Keep up the good work! I dont care what your husband and she sees if you have to buy smaller scrubs then your losing weight.The scales dont lie. You may have lost a friend but you gained a bunch of alli buddys.

my friend (which by the way has put on 10 pounds since i started my alli)

I think you may have your answer right there ^

Look at it this way, for some TE's, you were lucky enough to find out what kind of a person she REALLY is. As for hubby, I think I'd casually mention I wasn't trying to lose weight anymore; then of course, stay on course. When he notices you've lost weight, play dumb.."oh really? I hadn't noticed, thanks!" If he notices your portions are small or you're still eating healthy, tell him you noticed that you had more energy when you were losing weight and eating right, so you figured you'd just keep the healthy foods permanently.

Gah, I know you posted this sometime ago but I just can't stop myself from responding. I am SO HAPPY that you have decided to cut that friendship from your life.  I have dealt with many toxic relationships, and that is really the best way to deal with them. How cruel!  She must be jealous, I'll bet you are looking great after having lost about 20 pounds.  Don't give up (and I know you won't) and just keep pushing.  We are all here to support you!  Good luck, I know you will have much continued success.  And I'm glad you got your husband in line. ;)