hello fellow "flowers",

i'm back from vacation. i've missed you all! bonnie-it was so nice to see you've checked in with us. you've been on my mind. i'm so sorry to hear about all you're going through right now. glad that your son is feeling better, though. my son ran some high fevers when he was young and that is scary. my prayers will be with you and your dad. i lost my mom january 23, 2007. it was tough. she was my only parent too. (i've never met my father) so, i understand a little about what you're going through. the boyfriend?! well, if he's not ready..you don't want him. he's the one missing out! i know it hurts though.

katie-how's your dad? let me know. did you enjoy your festival?

anyway, i'm beginning again today. i did manage to really mess up on vacation. and, although i did walk and ride my bike some, i didn't take my tennis shoes. so, my walking couldn't be a "structured" walk. more like strolling! i've started again with "myalliplan" and i'm planning on getting back on track. vacations are over for now...so, there is no reason.

i've lost weight in the past and i can lose this weight again. right?!?! i feel a little upset that i've put these pounds back on, but, losing weight (or gaining) is something i can control. I CHOOSE what and how much i eat. so, today, is my new year's day!!

alicia

:-)

Alicia,

Hi there.  Hope you enjoyed your vacation!  I find it impossible to be on vacation.  Besides it's suppose to be about relaxing and enjoying yourself, I say go ahead and indulge.  The trick is to not let that "vacation" eating turn into 6 months.  I have been very guilty of that!

Thank you for all your kind words regarding my dad.  It has been a very rough year for my family but we are pulling together and getting through.  Oh and as far as the boyfriend, it is really wierd because I thought I would be heartbroken but I am not.  I am kinda relieved.  It is wierd.  Maybe it is because I have so many other things going on so I really do not have time to worry about him and his little games.  Whatever it is, I am actually enjoying him being away!

On another note, I love your attitude!  Every morning I keep telling myself that if I don't do this now that in 6 months or next summer I will be wishing I would have started today!  My own little mini goal right now is to exercise regardless of how I eat.  I tend to only exercise when I am also eating healthy and I really want to change that habit.  I know its crazy because you really should exercise when you indulge but I have an "all or nothing" mind frame.  I really want exercise to become a way of life for me regardless of how my diet is shaping up. 

I am a little worried about this weekend.  I am going to my sisters for the 4th of July.  I am hoping we will only be super bad on the 4th because my sister claims she is also dieting.  We will be together for a week and in the past that has always meant lots of drive-thru's.  I will be at her house for 3 days and she will come back to my house for the other 4 days.  I plan on keeping lots of salad makings and fresh fruit at my house for snacks.  I know we will spend lots of time at the pool and she says she wants to go to the gym with me so hopefully I will be able to keep up my exercise routine.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!

I can not record todays weigh-in because I restarted my "my alli plan" and it will not let me weigh in until next monday.  But of course, I got on the scale today, and I am down a whopping 7 pounds from last monday.  I am sure it is mostly water weight.  But I am very pleased!  This is the first weekend that I made it through with out going up on the scale and I even treated myself - just a tad bit and kept a close eye on portions.  I hope I can keep this up!

I hope everyone had a good weekend.  I will check in as often as I can.

Bonnie

hey everyone,

boy...am i a complete loser or what? yesterday....my "restart"...yeah, i blew it last night.

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME? for 49 weeks, i said "no"...i resisted temptations. then, for the longest time, i maintained my weight loss. then, one chip at a time, one M&M at a time, i've managed to become out of control.

the morning workouts...yeah, that hasn't happened in while. and the walking...nope, not that either.

when i put on the first couple of pounds, no big deal, right? but, now i'm starting to feel sluggish, i have a headache (something i never had when i was diligent about what i ate) and some of my clothes are feeling more snug.

i HAVE to get myself back in control. the scale this morning says i'm 26.2 pounds from my goal! i have to do this. i can, right?!

i can't say how bad i feel right now about myself.

alicia

:-{

Hey, Alicia and Bonnie.  It sounds like we're all on the same boat!  Well, first off, my dad is doing pretty good and is home recovering from his surgery.  We won't know for a couple of months if it will really heal or not, so please still keep him if your prayers if you can.  I did pretty darn well while I was down with him at the hospital, even when my mom took us out to eat at a great restaurant.  I didn't get any exercise in, so I was up on the scales after that weekend. 

Also, I got so constipated (I know, TMI), and I was so completely uncomfortable that I ate whatever I knew got my system moving, which included sweets, greasier foods, and ice cream.  Then last week, before I left for vacation, I went on a cookie craze and completely went off the deep end.  I gained three pounds in a couple of days (which I don't think could have been calorically possible, but who knows - I ate a lot of cookies!).  I pulled myself together (at least kept from binging) during my vacation, but we went to a country concert festival for four days where all that was available was fried fair food like cheese curds, corn dogs, fried tacos, pizza, etc.  Plus, there was a lot of drinking going on, though I didn't drink as much as most others that were with us.  I will say, though, that I did quite a bit of walking those days.  But now, I am constipated again (probably from all the cheese curds - we were in Wisconsin!) and am up on the scales.  I'm now up to 177 again.  That's what I was when I started alli in April! 

I'm trying to figure out where I really went wrong and went off the deep end.  I know that I was desperate for stomach relief and was willing to do anything to push everything out of my system.  But once I hit the cookies, there was no going back.  I don't know if I was just too strict with myself for too long that I broke or what.  But if that's the case, I was only losing 1 lb a week during that time and if I allow myself more little treats to feel less deprived, I probably won't lose anything!  I guess I'm just frustrated with myself and with this whole process.  I had to know that it couldn't continue like that forever, where I would feel great and keep motivated.  But now I'm back in the slump.  And I totally was trying to start off good today and brought things to go with my Lean Cuisine meal for lunch, but then forgot my Lean Cuisine, so I'll probably have to go somewhere for lunch today.  Hopefully I can pull it together so that I can really get back to where I was a couple of weeks ago. 

And Alicia - yes you can do it!  You were so diligent before.  Try to think, what has changed in your life besides your diet?  Are you reacting to something in your life with sweets?  Can it be helped in other ways?  Don't be too hard on yourself for not keeping focused during vacation.  For me, I don't really regret that (vacation is about enjoying yourself and not stressing over things that are constantly on our awareness screen, like eating).  Time for us all to reboot!

Hello ladies!

Alicia...please don't beat yourself up!  Losing weight is tough!  I believe it is 90% mental and only about 10% physical.  Maintaining weight after a huge weight loss or losing the last 10 -20 pounds is always the hardest for EVERYONE!  You are not alone in your struggle.  Like Katie mentioned maybe its time for a little soul searching and see if something else is stopping you from achieving your goals.  I know for me, in the past, when I had lost a lot of weight I got an attitude that believed I deserved to treat myself.  I had been good for so long and done so well - why couldn't I enjoy a cookie or two dozen??  I know I need to learn to reward myself in other  ways.  I need to find a way to not see bad foods as such a treat.  I know it is so tough but I hate to see you being so down.  Atleast, you are well aware of where you are right now and you keep trying.  Who cares if your "restart" each and every day at least you are trying. 

Trust...something is gonna click and you will be off and running before you know it!  I believe you have all the skills you need and the motivation and will power is right around the corner. 

Hi katie!  Glad your father is doing well and you are back from your vacation.  Sounds like we all have to help eachother get back on track.  I never thought losing weight could be this hard.  I have lost weight before when I was younger but I never struggled with it.  One day I decided I had had enough and I was good to go.  I started a better eating plan and exercising daily and before I knew it the weight fell off.  I never struggled with the constant urges to "cheat" but this time around I even catch myself planning cheats.  Its really so sad!  I don't know if its because I am older or if I just don't have the same will.  Anyways, lets do this and lets do it together!  We all need to feel good about us and feel good in our own skin!  We need to treat our bodies like temples and feed them well! 

I hope all your girls are having a good Tuesday! 

Bonnie

Bonnie and Katie,

Thanks girls, for all the great things you've said. I'm really struggling today. I feel like I really let myself down yesterday. But, like you said Bonnie, today is another day...and I can "restart" each and everyday! I just cannot give up!

So far so good today. I'm looking too far down the road today. I'm already wondering about what choices I'm going to make on July 4th. Give in to the "good" food and feel like I'm weak. OR, resist the "good" food and feel frustrated because I didn't get to eat what I wanted. I guess, in my current mindset, I should just worry about TODAY!!

My son made the all-star base ball team. He is so proud of himself and I am especially proud of him. My dilemma now....we will leave down July 11, 12, and 13 for a regional tournament. I will be living off fast food or out of a hotel room for 2 nights and 3 days.

Oh well! I've already said it. I'm going to worry about being good today!

You girls are great and I so appreciate all the wonderful things you've said.

alicia

hey girls,

how is everyone doing? i'm doing better. i've got quite a bit of stress right now. but, i'm real happy to report i have not veered from my healthy eating since Monday. (tuesday morning is when I last reported in and was so upset with myself.) i love how in control i feel right now about my food. there is really nothing that is tempting me. this is probably because i just return from vacation where i indulged every whim. right now, though...today at least...i feel like i've got this in control.

i weighed in Monday (post vacation) and just about fell off the scale. but, i'm glad to report, it must have been a lot of water weight because as of this morning, i'm down. my offical weigh in day is Friday. i created a re-start with "myalliplan" on Monday, 6/30, so, I cannot report until Friday, 7/11. (and I'll be out of town and I'm supposed to start on that day too.) MY official day is Friday, and I think I'll be okay tomorrow. I'm still not down to my post vacation weight, but i'm not where i was Monday.

Next week, my goal is to get back on the exercise "wagon". i have been sooooo lazy about that lately. bonnie, you've mentioned before that you have to workout and eat right to lose weight. me too! and i know that is the reason i've been hanging on to this weight. it's probably been almost a month since i was consistent with my cardio or walking. one workout here...one there...won't cut it!

if i keep my food in control and begin my exercising again next week, i think i'll be able to report a loss on Friday the 11th.

also, because of my son's all-star schedule, i think our 4th plans fell through. so, i won't be tempted to overindulge on potato salad, baked beans, etc., etc., etc.

i hope you all are doing well!!!!

talk to you monday!!

alicia

 hey everyone!!

did everyone have a great July 4th? my extended weekend was quite busy. we're leaving town this weekend to play in the State Baseball Tournament. so, my days (nights....evenings....etc.) are all about baseball practice and fundraisers.

well, as of last friday i was down 1.2 from my weight BEFORE vacation. i couldn't believe it! so, not only did i shed that huge number from vacation,  i was able to be down on the scale from my previous week.

i was up .6 this morning, but that's nothing. especially after my somewhat over indulgence in baked goods at our bake sale yesterday. and the best news is i did my cardio this morning. i think it's been at least 3 weeks since i've done any cardio and my walking/biking

has been hit or miss. so, i'm proud of myself.

this weekend will be tough. i will be living at a ballfield with nothing but deep friend goodies. the alternative is fast food. i will take what i can to eat that is healthy (but requires no refrigeration). if the weather is hot, that will deter me from eating at the field. if i'm hot and sticky, i don't want anything to eat.

hope to hear from you guys soon. i'm missing someone to talk to.

alicia

:-)

Alicia - great job reeling it in after that vacation!  You're tougher than you give yourself credit for!  I wish I could say the same about myself.  I've let myself give in to every reason I could think of to let myself go the last few weeks, so I really need to get back on track. 

We are in the process of painting the exterior of our home, and that was what I was doing all weekend.  That will also be what I'm doing with every spare minute of good weather for the next few weeks.  It is hard work, especially when you figure how many hours we work at a time, so that will be my only workout for the next few weeks.  We are about 1/4 done (we have a big farmhouse) and if you ask me, it needs two coats of paint, so that would mean that we're only 1/8 of the way done!  Ugh!  What a process!  I'm also stressed because I'm leaving my job and starting a new one soon so I'm trying to get things in tip top shape for the person who is coming after me and I'll be using a lot of my time training her, so this is where the emotional eating comes in. 

I need a good kick in the butt or slap in the face or whatever to wake me up out of this slump!  I was doing so good before, and now I'm back up to 177!  That's the weight I started at in April!  Ugh!

 hey katie,

i've missed visiting with you. don't beat yourself up to badly. who hasn't been there? sounds to me like you'll have plenty of exercise during the next few weeks, painting your house. that is harder than any cardio or strength workout you could do. so, all you have to do is get your "diet" back in check, right?! you can do it. you are always the one that inspired me! okay, so what...you're back up to 177. you can take that weight back off and then more.

emotional eating can be tough. i fail in that area a lot. if i have too much going on, or i get mad or frustrated.....what is better than pizza or cookies, huh?! but, if you can recognize what you're ABOUT to do, before you do it, you can change your focus to something more positive.

come on, katie. you can do it! i believe in you. you're not too far gone.

keep me in your thoughts. this weekend will be tough. T.O.M. arrives Friday or Saturday....WHILE i'm at the tournament with every temptation known to man.

on a good note, i did my cardio yesterday and today. boy, are my legs sore from those squats. but i love it!

how's your dad doing?

alicia

:-)

 Thanks for the pep talk, Alicia.  I needed that!  Today I am doing a little better, and I hope to keep improving more every day.  Part of my problem has been that there's been an unlimited amount of cookies at work that were left over from an event (litterally, probably a hundred back there) and I'm in the office alone quite a bit so I've eaten LOTS of cookies in the last week. I think I've determined that cookies is one of those foods that I just can't do because I can't stop.  You'd think I'd get sick of them but I don't.  Anyway, right now I'm eating my SmartOnes for lunch so I'm doing good.  You're right that I'm going to be doing enough hard work that if I just keep my eating in check I should lose those seven pounds again pretty quickly.  You'd think, anyway.  We'll see. 

But again, thanks for the encouragement.  You can do great, too, this weekend.  All that fried food is hard to pass up, but you can pick the best out of all evils!  We'll be watching baseball this weekend, too, after our painting!  :)

Take care!

Katie

 hey everyone,

i've been checking in daily but, i haven't posted. mainly because i haven't seen any new "flowers" posts. i hope i'm not the only one left.

just wanted to say "Hi!". i hope everyone is doing great and stayiing on target. if they aren't, i hope everyone is being kind to themselves and giving them the same patience and understanding they would offer someone else who was having a hard time.

we're back from the tournament....as WINNERS i might add. now, we're raising funds for Regional. in addition to practices. i doubt my schedule will be "normal" until after August 6th.  my scale is up right now. (my post T.O.M. and eating bad over the weekend weigh in). although, i will say, i did not eat one thing from the concession stand. HUGE accomplishment!

we'll see what the scale says tomorrow.

take care all. i'm thinking about you!!

alicia

 Hey Alicia - I'm glad you're still doing well.  I'm struggling, but making gradual gains.  I used to get a lot of motivation from the message boards but I haven't had time to dink around with them to figure out the new format because I don't get onto alli stuff at home and at work I've been training a new employee, so I can't get on it either.  Congrats on doing well at the ball diamonds!  You rock!  Why is it, I wonder, that when I was doing well you were struggling and now you're doing well and I'm struggling?  Isn't it supposed to work that we both do well and celebrate together?  Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I'm still here, but I'm just barely hanging on...  :)  That's about par for the course!

Katie

 hello.

i feel as though i'm talking to myself...but, i do tend to do that from time to time, so why change now.

our baseball season is over. we worked so hard raising money and practicing. we just returned from our tournament yesterday. we had a wonderful time! although we didn't win, it was a beautiful trip and the kids were amazing. i'm proud of them all. i guess now it's back to "normal" for me. i haven't had the nerve to step on a scale but, i know it 's up. i know because i haven't been eating right, i haven't been exercising and today my pants feel tight. i'm not pleased with myself, but the only way i 'lose' is if i quit. today is my restart. not with alli; i'm not sure i will restart with alli. today is my restart in watching what i eat and adopting an exercise routine again. i have enough alli for about a week, so, my plan is to watch what i eat for a few days. then, begin taking alli again until i'm out. then, i will continue with just my diet and exercise. this is what i've done in the past and i haven't seen enough help with alli to justify the cost.

katie sue, bonnie, heather, etc....i don't know if you guys are out there anymore. just know that i think of you all often. i hope you're doing well.

alicia

:-)