hey guys been gone for a while we had a family reunion in Japan was there for 2 weeks  and yes it seems as if it's just me and my other half american cousins are like chubby.. all are other full asian cousins were like skinny my cousin and I was sitting around talking and saying to ourselves gees I wonder if they're calling us names  ( since we can't understand) what they were saying... when we got back here in the States friday i like felt so awful i just started to cry i mean balling it's this what if I never get to my goal what if all my hard work is just for nothing I really did not feel so good about myself that night for some reason I felt jealous eventhough they treated us so good and where very polite i just felt like crap like how dare me visit them looking like huge like your not the same kids 22 years ago i wanted to give up and just say nevermind I'm fat and always will be but then again i remember my kids who will be there for them if something happens to me who will take care of my husband who's dependant on me and who will take care of me? all I can do was grab this small prayer booklet my nanny gave me before left Japan 22 years ago ( she's from the Philippines) and she told me whenever your feeling down and some how loosing your way or you just need say something to someone reach out and read this and I promise when you get done you will feel better so I did I closed my door turned off the tv and just read it and I did feel good afterwards. I can't believe i let myself get this big 5'4 and 213 me and my other cousins from VT are the only ones over 125 (cousins wise) I mean i really hope I can do this every night I pray that God helps me thru this is so hard when I feel the frustration coming I just think in the future the nice clothes and etc. that i can fit in like Levis jean I went to an outlet to get some Levis jean before my trip and they said we don't have them in PLUS size ain't that something? anyways don't mean to bore you guys with my weight loss journals just wanted to let it out...thanks for listening..suemay

 As I am reading your words I can feel your pain, you feel frustrated and trapped in your body. And that is a bad feeling to have, specially if the people around you are thin. People say to love yourself as you are. I said love yourself enough to recognize that you need help, to accept the fact that you have let yourself go, and to find the strength to take the steps to gain control of your life.

And you have just done that "...how dare me visit them looking like huge...", you have recognized that this is not how you want to live your life. You have taken steps to attain your goals by starting alli, some exercises, learn about nutrition, track your fat/calorie intake and come to this forum.

I wont tell you it will happen over night or that it will be easy. It will take time and sometimes it might be frustrating, but read some of the stories of people who, like you, have come here looking for answers and have found some success. Go ahead and continue with your program, post your picture to share your beauty with us, and you will soon be walking to that same outlet store and asking for some hot Levi's jeans your size!!

 I hear your pain and hurt and am sorry that you feel bad.  That's why this board is good - there are caring and supportive people on here who also can relate and hopefully uplift you in your times of discouragement.  Just know that this can pass and will change if you continue to work the program.  Things have been slower for me lately, but we must press on to overcome this personal obstacle in life!