I know exactly how you feel.  I lost 50 pounds before I got married.  Poor wedding shop had to take my dress from a 16 to an 8-10.  I was working out 3 days a week and eating healthy.  My man loved how I looked and complimented me all the time.   But his sabotage of me began on the honeymoon.  "have some cheese cake, come on it's our honey moon"  By the time I had given birth to our daughter I was over 200 pounds.  And he treated me to donuts and cookies and cake all the time.  I couldn't lose the weight.  I joined a gym and he complained every month about the $40 I was wasting.   At one point he actually said "I don't mind you being fat"  How nice!

So my solution was to divorce the SOB.  Now I have a sweet wonderful boyfriend who can not understand how hard it is for me to lose weight, but he is still trying really hard to help me.  Walking and playing golf and trying to cook lean when he is preparing the food.

This weight loss is not for our significant others.  If it was it would fail every time.  We have to do it for ourselves.  No one else can truly understand what it feels like to be you.  Tell him he will not lose you if you lose the weight, but he might if he prevents you from losing the weight.  Mean is mean no matter how much love there is in the air.

Well, I can relate to this a little bit... I have become so preoccupied with so many failed attempts, I think that is what some of the lack of support comes in,...I think that most importantly, you should remember how much better you are going to feel when you become successful with your weight loss and perhaps once he sees how much happier you are he will be more open to supporting you....OR....if not, cook him a fat filled dinner and sneak him one of the pills, hear those side effects are pretty crappy...(LOL)

Same Boat here...

No, my hubby is not thin, he needs to loose more weight then I do, but to him weight is not a priority so he can not relate to someone who needs to drop half of what he need to, since after all...he's just fine in his book.

Well in my book I am not fine, I am here, trying Alli, hopeful that this time I will drop the weight. Unlike him I feel awful in the clothes I own, I am tired of donating my last size jeans because I keep inching up a size every 6 months. Tired of being out of breath, tired of the way I look in pictures, I am just tired period! :)

My husband thinks I am nuts, he thinks I look great, and that's all warm and fuzzy till I am nude infront of the full length bathroom mirror, just me and my reflection and all the sweet words he says evaporate into thin air! I have reached a point in my life where I have done many things and have learned so much to a point where I care less of what he thinks looks good on me (and what others think or say) and I focus on what I like on me, what I need, what makes me feel good inside my own skin. I guess that relationships evolve over the yrs and I lost some of myself in trying to make him like the way I look, now it's time for Me to take the wheel and decide what I want to be, even if hubby is perfectly content being overweight.

So, like yours, mine sits opposit me and eats all sorts of junk. Now that I stopped buying junk he goes out and buys it himself, brings it home, leaves it in plain site. I know it's more out of ignorance then that he is looking to sabatoge me because he knows I am NOT going to eat something that wll make me have T.E. later on, no matter how much I am craving it!

Just stay focused on your goal, try to think of it as "this is just for you". Let him eat what ever he wants, just smile to yourself, think about how good your going to feel when you see the positive changes you are making, feeling the progress. That cream sauce is certainly not worth giving up feeling healthy for.... If you cant beet them or make them join you then just let em be....

JWJM123

You have definitely hit a familiar note with me...I've been in the same situation before and guess what?  He's not laughing at you, he's afraid.  He doesn't want everyone to see the woman he fell in love with...you are in a difficult situation and you just have to face the fact that he probably won't be supportive...

You have to make your mind up on how bad you want this weight loss, you can either make yourself happy or make him happy with not continuing...

I think though that if you stick to it and get down half that weight he'll know you'll serious and probably start to join in...of course he wouldn't want you looking better than him.

I really hope you stick with it though because I can feel how much this would mean to you.

I know how you feel.  My husband is carrying 30 lbs more than is healthy for him, but he refuses to do anything about it.  In the meantime, while I'm too insecure to be unclothed around him, and I'm dieting and trying to lose weight, he pulls out snickers bars and eats them right in front of me.  Or late at night, while I'm munching on dry brocolli, he'll go make toast and butter it.  But I'm staying motivated.  When I get to my goal weight, and I have a lot of energy and I look great in a bikini, then he'll see.  Don't let anything stop you!

Hi,

 I understand how you feel.  While my dh is verbally supportive, he is also a metabolic freak and can eat anything he wants with impunity- and he does. 

Please understand that you can't make him totally responsible for your health.  This has to be your decision, your commitment, your life!  Leaving it up to him to behave is asking too much of him.  I know, it shouldn't be too much, but it is.  He is only human (and a man at that! grin), after all.

Rather than asking him to bear this particular load, ask him to do something you know he can do.  In my case, me and dh ride our bicycles 4-5 times a week.  It's something he enjoys, so it's easy for him to motivate me to do it too!   I just leave the room or otherwise occupy myself while he's finishing off that Oreo's Blizzard. 

Vivianfiq, your last paragraph says it all.  I can understand involuntary sabotage, I've faced that with family and friends for years ("oh but it's a special occasion, you can have just ONE slice of cake") but for someone to laugh in your face and make fun of a desire to help yourself get healthy is just plain nasty, especially a spouse who is supposed to love you. 

buckmouse3:

Maybe your husband is afraid you will lose the weight and look so good that other men will hit on you.  I think sometimes they are pretty insecure.  Just stick to your guns and do this.  When you've lost the weight and feel so much better about yourself you will be nicer to him (which will make him happy) and he will eventually see that you aren't going anywhere - you just want to look your best for him and yourself.

I don't think it should matter what he eats though - this is our battle not theirs.  When he is eating something you would love to have just think of how great you will feel if you DON'T have it.  You'll feel better, you'll look better and you will eventually be healthier.  Know that someday not too long from now you can have those things once in a while.

Good luck.

Nancy 

 

Don't laugh folks, I lost a husband this way.  If your married and see any signs of this coming, get counselling.

I'm a gastric bypass paitent, 5 years now (yes, I've gained some weight back and that's why I'm here) and after I lost my weight, my husband didn't feel I needed him anymore (though he wouldn't admit it) and started looking elsewhere. I could do my own chores, run my own errands and do all sorts of things without his help anymore.  Before I realized what happened, I was being asked for a divorce.

Men are not complicated creatures for the most part.  They have some basic needs (Like being needed).  If their needs are not being met, they will fulfill them elsewhere (his first girlfriend was REALLY messed up)

My opinion.

StillTammy

 My hubby supports me, but I saw in his eyes the skepticism when I told him I was going to take Alli. On the one hand, I don't blame him as I have tried different things with varying results! Even though I lost 5 lbs. the first week, I think it will be the long term results that will win him over. He needs to lose weight too so I hope this will inspire him. I do agree though, that with any change we make, it has to be our own and not because of others. I am a people pleaser so this is a very hard lesson for me to put into practice. It helps me to see that others struggle with the same issue.

Anne